World domination attempt
It was an unusually boring summer day in 1995. Suddenly, the thought struck me: what's the most interesting – a diary entry that says "Thursday. Didn't do anything today, either" or an entry that says "Thursday. Tried to take over the world"?
I voted for alternative two, so I wrote the following letter, and sent it out to several large Swedish companies, including H&M, Handelsbanken and NK:
[translated from Swedish]
Dear representative of your highly regarded company!
Your company is known for its friendly and generous image. You have, through the years, profiled yourselves as a customer-friendly and service-minded company. With that as background, I ask you for help with one of my projects.
I have, for lack of other occupation this afternoon, decided to try to take over Earth. Such a takeover would, among other things, comprise complete control over all the world's countries and companies - including, as I'm sure you'll realize, yours.
Unfortunately, I lack the resources for carrying out my plans and am therefore completely at the mercy of the benevolence and compassion of others. I ask you to help me in my endeavour by voluntarily surrendering control of your company to me; this would help me considerably in my efforts. This need not mean any major changes for you - you may, by and large, continue as before, as long as you give me, say, 10% of every year's proceeds. I am open to suggestions.
I hope that you'll take my (unconventional, I admit) suggestion under serious consideration, and write a reply even if it were not possible for you to surrender control in the way that is delineated above.
A happy summer wishes
KF, The Swedish Cooperative Union, sent a reply:
Thank you for your somewhat odd letter that arrived on July 17, 1995.
As Konsum is a member-owned and democratically managed company, suggested changes in the ownership structure have to be submitted to the members at a board meeting.
However, you have the option of becoming a part-owner of the company by becoming a member of Konsumentföreningen Väst. This will mean the following economic benefits for you:
1) A member bonus on every purchase
2) Dividends when the company's proceeds allow it.
We enclose an admission application form. You can hand the form in at any cooperative store.
With friendly greetings,
KF Väst AB